


The One-Year Old Letter

by tsutupid



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Dad! Osamu, Eventual Smut, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Minor Character Death, Romance, She's adorable, Slow Burn, Smut, Terminal Illnesses, This kinda flopped :(, Unrequited Love, background sakuatsu smirks so hard, but it's at the end, her name is Ayako, im not lying, there's a small kid here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:27:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26699803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsutupid/pseuds/tsutupid
Summary: When you're given a chance to finally have the person you want to hold for the rest of the life, who are you to refuse that? Especially when Miya Osamu's late wife gave you a blessing. Was it that easy? Or are you going to let this slide just like you did years before he fell for someone else that wasn't you?
Relationships: Miya Osamu/Reader
Comments: 18
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter 1

How exactly did this happen? You swore on your life that the seal of the vow between Miya Osamu, your best friend since you were seven-year olds and his wife is the final slap on your face that you won’t ever have him in your grasp no matter how much you love him. No one expected the death of his wife to happen, not even you, but then it did happen.

Osamu stood at the sides, trying his best to suppress the tears that was begging to get out, guests that came by hugged him, telling him to stay strong and to take care of Ayako well, Ayako, his two-year old sweet little princess, that is currently staying with his uncle, Miya Atsumu and his boyfriend in their hotel. Atsumu insisted that Ayako should be at the funeral with her dad but you are convinced that a child of that age shouldn’t be thinking too much about the death of her lovely beautiful mother going up to heaven while her dad cries, out of grief, missing his lovely wife. 

Osamu knew that this would happen soon enough. He knows that the moment the doctor explains in sorrow about how much the disease will impact both of their lives it won’t get the end on good terms. But neither Osamu nor you were prepared for her leaving, taking the Miya family name, Miya Naoko, a year before she got diagnosed with the disease. When Osamu found out he can’t help but tightened his hands on hers, knuckles turning white he didn't want to let go of his beloved wife while desperately crying out for help from the doctor, asking if there are ways to help make the pain go away.

Naoko, on the other hand, kept her best effort to look Osamu in the eyes even though it was blurry, most of the reasons were because of her tears clogging her round beautiful eyes Osamu loves to drown himself in every day and every night. Osamu regrets not taking care of her properly, blaming that his passion in opening the onigiri business getting in the way of his little family of three’s happiness. He realized if he took better care of Naoko and pushed away his selfishness for a while, this twist in life would have been as normal as he expected. He wanted to live a long life with Naoko at the side while they both witnessed the rapid process of Ayako growing up, that is what he promised her when she gave birth.

When they got home, Naoko lulled Ayako to sleep after fetching her from the babysitter and sitting herself on the bed, next to Osamu who had his face buried in his hands. He is too overwhelmed with everything and all Naoko can do is calm him down.

Naoko hugs her husband and rubs him in the back, eventually hugging his larger frame. “Don’t blame yourself, Osamu, sometimes we just need to deal with this problem and move forward.” Osamu looks at his side, to see his wife smiling like there’s nothing that could stop her from doing so. “Babe, Naoko...how should I move on when I’m going to lose ya?” Osamu teared up, and Naoko promised that as long as she lives, she will wipe his tears off his face. Osamu leans into her touch more than ever since that night, every day he wakes up, he will make sure Naoko is up too, alive and breathing well near him, breathing the same air as he did because that’s the only thing that could make him calm down.

“I can name plenty of stuff that will always be around, I know, I may not stay here forever, but some other people will.” Osamu stopped Naoko from saying more by kissing her breathless, wanting to have her own breath taken away by just him and not by the universe. The entire night, Osamu tells her how much he loves her and his promises to make her stay longer than she was supposed to. Naoko doesn’t want to suffer, but if it means that she could have more time with her husband, she’d rather hold in all the pain and smile until it wears off of her face. 

The next few days Osamu and Naoko invited you, Atsumu and his boyfriend, Sakusa over for lunch. You walked into the house with the same cheerfulness as ever and hugged the small little girl who is one of the precious gems in your life now. “Baby Ayako! I miss you so much! I bought something for ya!” Ayako giggles into the hug and it fills the entire apartment and replaces the supposed sorrow that was there in the first place. “Chocolates? Thank fuuu'' Ayako laughs again and kisses you on the cheeks. She pulled away and ran to Atsumu who was behind you and Atsumu immediately pulled her up and threw her in the air. You already reached Naoko by then and gave her a long tight hug. “Hey, Naoko, are ya doing okay? Osamu did nothing right? I swear if he–'' Naoko laughs and pushes you gently at your shoulder. She smiles with quivering lips and tears threatened to come out but she practiced, it wouldn’t be that hard.

“Hey, [Name], how’s work goin’ so far?” Osamu calmly asked as you walked into the kitchen to fetch some bowls and plates of side dishes to put it on the kotatsu in the living room. “It has been better these days, but that doesn’t make it actually good. So many things to do.” You sighed as you fixed the unrolled tamago on the plate with chopsticks and put it on the tray. “How about ya?” Osamu sighed too, he paused for a second. “I will talk about it, but later.” Osamu stirs the pot of soup with a ladle and has his back turned towards you.

You knew Osamu so well, you knew he’s having a hard time but what could possibly be it? Osamu can’t crack a smile though you knew ever since he decided to go for his passion in cooking and contributing to the food industry is realised, his smiles are more frequent and normalised. He was especially upset today.

When lunch was served and everyone was digging in, you saw Naoko picking at her food with the tips of her chopsticks, eyebrows furrowed when she swallowed the food. “Is something the matter, Naoko? Are you okay?” Naoko blinked her eyes. Her forehead scrunched as everyone looked at her. Osamu rubs her back to calm her down but Naoko runs towards the toilet and pukes her guts out. Osamu had fear inflicted on his eyes, his expression drained and his face pale. Atsumu got worried. 

“Samu, is she okay? I can make a quick run to the pharmacy–“ Atsumu offered but Osamu stopped. Everyone was standing near the door of the bathroom, trying to check up on Naoko who can’t seem to stop the flow of vomit into the toilet bowl. “’S fine, I can take care of it...and we need to talk about something.” Sakusa distracted Ayako by making her sit around the kotatsu to eat her food and Sakusa bribed her with some cartoons on the TV so she wouldn't have to see her mom in her vulnerable state. “Omi-nii chan...is Mummy ok?” Sakusa smiles and carefully pats her back. “It’s okay, Ayako, eat your food okay?” Ayako smiles as Sakusa put the Mickey Mouse-shaped rice ball on her plate. “Babe, ya should rest. Yer looking too tired now.” Osamu, hands over a glass of water that was handed from Atsumu to Naoko and Naoko only took a few sips before slowly getting herself on her feet. “We have guests over, honey. It’s not nice to leave them unattended.” You clicked your tongue. 

“We’re not just simple guests, we're close friends, Atsumu is literally his twin. It’s fine. Just take some rest, you must have been tired taking care of Ayako.” Naoko nodded and Osamu carried her body and moved to their bedroom, plopping her frail body on the bed. You smiled at that.

Osamu has always been a loving husband to Naoko and his kindness is what made her enchanted to him. And you think so too. Atsumu presses on your shoulder as he sees your eyes stare in such a sadistic manner, of longing and of desire to have Osamu hold you like that too, but you knew well that you’re just a friend and you should have been supportive to the married couple. Which you have been. You never let your selfishness get in their way and you have been their saviour on several occasions now.

When Ayako needs a sitter you offer help, eventually bringing her to your office that is ridden of all the fairy tale books, giving a lifetime supply to the small kid. Almost every book that resided in Osamu’s apartment was from you, due to the cramped space of the publication library so some of the book dumps go to the charity and to Ayako’s property. Ayako loves reading and you think you did a great job. You have been a greater help to the family more than Atsumu did, so you count as family now. When Naoko was pregnant and she needs to go to the gynaecologist, you were there for her when Osamu was busy, and when she gave birth to the sweet little girl you grew fond of you helped her run some errands and help her through her postpartum depression that she needs to went through. Naoko has always been someone who’s anxious and mentally exhausted at times and you were there for her every time. You will do just about anything for this family, you think that if you can’t express your love towards Osamu, maybe you can project it into taking care of all of them.

So when Osamu got out of the bedroom and dragged you and Atsumu to the kitchen, explained about Naoko’s condition, you have no idea what to do. “Oh, god. Osamu, I am so sorry” you gasped and covered your mouth with your hands, and didn't want to make noises with the fear of Ayako listening in. The small kid is smart and could pick up adult conversations easily. “Samu, tell us everything, we can give ya lots of help.” Atsumu proceeds to pull Osamu in a hug and Osamu stifles his sobs, while you pat him on his back. You can’t say anything other than apologies and the rubs on the back. You have always done this, ever since you knew Osamu. When he fell in the park and you saw him trip, you laughed. You felt bad after some times that he cried at it so you helped him get home with Atsumu carrying him on the left side and you at the right side. Ever since that incident, due to you feeling remorseful for laughing at a stranger you became close friends with the twins. You’re closer to Osamu and in high school you fell for him. He was too caring and supportive of you and his change of expression when he read your small drabbles of a short story makes you realise that you wanted to be more than just a friend to him. He was supportive of you and you were supportive to the both of them and it carried on to this day. You grew up with them and went through troubles and created troubles with them, and you never want to stop. 

Even now, when Osamu could potentially lose the love of his life (which is not you) you and Atsumu help him release the pent up expression. Osamu had never cried this loud but he is now, and it is in front of you and his brother. If this is some other occasions Atsumu would have made fun of his brother, but he knows this is the wrong time because he knew how much this hits him and Atsumu was decent, so he hugged Osamu tighter than he was supposed to, giving him the best comfort he needed this time. As you looked back to that particular memory and saw Osamu right now hunched and had his knees meet the ground after all the guests had left, he wailed again. Nothing could explain how your reflexes or charging forward and hugging him had happened. Maybe it’s the affection you had for the man. Or maybe you just want to give him comfort like he did to you many times before. 

Osamu cried on your shoulders as you had your knees bent, sitting in front of him in front of the sorrowful picture of the late Miya Naoko in the room as he pressed his claw on your forearms. You hissed at the sudden pain and you knew it won’t be comparable to what Osamu felt now. So you gave in and let him do what he wanted the entire time he was crying. 


	2. Chapter 2

After the incident when Osamu injured his small legs that one evening and you laughed at him, the twins and you became best friends. Osamu sulked all the way through three days of his recovery because he got embarrassed that you made fun of him but Atsumu told you to buy chocolates for him and all the barriers collapsed and the smile widened.

“You got my favourite chocolate...you can be my friend now!” Osamu smiled at you and your eyes widened.

“I’m sorry Osamu! I promise I won’t make fun of you, and we’ll be best friends!” Osamu nods and slinked your pinky with his, making sure the promise lasts forever. “Aren’tcha goin’ to be my friend too?” Atsumu frowned at the side and you pulled him in for a group hug.

You always kept your promises, from attending their games all the way since middle school to hanging out at their place and eating with their family is a part of your tradition that it makes you feel like you’re family to them.

In high school, you think you broke your promise to Osamu, the one which said ‘best friends forever’ with a certified invisible stamp to your forehead, and everyday, the stamp itches like hell. Because you fell for Miya Osamu.

It wasn’t a shock to be honest. Osamu is by far one of the most popular boys in school, him and Atsumu. The girls of Inarizaki steal their every chance to confess and relay their love through letters and confectionaries they made by themselves. Some even straight up talk to the twins by talking in their face. Some of the times Atsumu would accept the letters and gifts and the offer for a date and sometimes he got annoyed so he rejected them. Unlike him, Osamu would always reject them and never take up on the offers with just the same long and boring sentence. 

“I’m sorry, didn’t feel like it. Thank you for yer efforts though.” The girls that got this either get embarrassed leading to a scream and a series of letters still coming in or some of them literally dropped him and moved on. He’s never the type to lead people on, anyways. The guy never put up a face of him actually delighted with the presence of his admirers around him. 

This includes you. Well, he never actually sees you as the ones who would fall for him, mainly because you are his friend and he never sees you that way. The girls would often make you feel like it’s your fault Osamu never dated anyone or received their confessions, the reason is because you’re pulling him back and planting bad thoughts about those girls in his mind when you did nothing at all.

One day, when you saw Osamu at his locker and was about to greet him, you saw a girl coming to confess to him, his back faced at you and the girl saw you in the corner of her eyes. Not wanting to disturb them, you stood away from them, leaning into the wall and witnessed the whole occasion. 

She was talking real slowly and you tried to listen to what she was saying but it is to no avail. She handed a gift to Osamu but Osamu put up his hand, probably a sign that he already rejected the girl and she returned it with a scoff and glare at you. You stood up straight at that and then she mentioned you. “It must be that [Name] bitch isn’t it? Annoying. This is a waste of time!” she intentionally screamed out loud and you got petrified now. I shouldn’t have been here.

“Hey if rejection hurts ya that much ya shoulda keep it and cry at home. Stop coming for her!” Osamu shouted at her and you wanted to stop him but you can’t. “Oh, the knight is a bit too protective to ya, right [Name]?” The girl looked at you with anger and Osamu turned his back to look at you, standing a few feet away from him. He grumbled and looked at the girl again. “Leave, yer annoying.” Osamu runs towards you and all you think about is to escape through the window instead of running to the opposite way, but neither decision is made because your hopeless ass decided to watch him and his stupidly attractive face and personality towers over you. 

“[Name] ya shouldn’t listen to that, it’s embarrassing.” You looked down as Osamu held the sleeve of your uniform. “Yer okay, right? I swear they’re so pissy about ya. Next time don’t even listen to what they said, kay?” Osamu pulled your hand and walked towards the cafeteria. “I’m fine...bitch is a term that I’m used to by now. Somehow it weirdly makes me feel superior, ya know...like...hey I’m sorry I’m such a bad bitch around here!” you giggled dishonestly. As much as you’re taking pride in that, it also makes you feel a lot more insecure about yourself. 

To be honest, you may have had the privilege of being Osamu’s friend, and some girls are jealous of you, but you’re even more inferior to them since they at least have their guts to confess to Osamu. The topics of relationship and crushes have been a taboo to both Osamu and you, for your part it is mainly because you have had a crush on him and the only image of relationship that sits in your mind is the one with Osamu and no one else, because crazy stupid you fell for him a little bit too hard and it doesn’t help you when Osamu has been too comfortable to pull you in occasional hugs and random slinks of arms when you walk to the school with him. As much as you enjoyed it, you can’t help but swell in the heart with the fact that these are all the platonic feelings he had for you. 

Sometimes this very fact of him leading you on unintentionally and the very thought that if you confess you might lose him all together keeps you up at night and the only thing to blink the tears away is by forcefully closing your eyes to make yourself sleep. You woke up with swollen eyes and a wet pillow in the morning. Osamu asked why and the answer choices for these kinds of days are random, said the finished novel had the main character dying, or the drama heroine had her heart broken or the animal documentaries showed a little too much description of violence and his pats in return makes you a bit more dramatic for few hours at school. At least he believed it.

So one day, when you’re walking with the twins back after school because they don’t have practice that day with ice cream in hand, you asked him. “Osamu, have you seen yourself in a relationship?” Osamu looks to the side and Atsumu gulps a bit too loudly next to you. “What’s with the sudden question?” Osamu with his straight-looking face glances at you.

“Um...uh...see...like Atsumu, he has been on multiple dates before, and I have never saw you doin’ any of that, just curious.” Atsumu glares at you and continues scrolling his phone. Osamu frowned and was thinking about it. “Eh, this is stupid, we can just talk about this later, sorry.” You walked even faster, leaving the two of them behind, Osamu caught up while Atsumu just groaned loudly. 

“If yall want to talk alone then fine! Haihhh I’m so unimportant.” Atsumu’s dramatic groans riled up the both of you so you both turned at him and continued mocking him. “Well, actually I don’t find anyone I’m attracted to as of now...maybe in the future I will, how about you? I’ve never seen you dating before?” Osamu answers without a doubt. The fact that Osamu said it himself that he finds no one yet, meaning he never saw you as one makes your chest beat a little bit too hard and you tried your best not to pant or make your breathing sounds abnormal. 

“W-well...I don’t...uh want to date. School is making me busy. So...um...and no one has found me attractive and all so...it makes me a little upset but I’ll be doing fine, I guess.” The dragging of your sentence seems too obvious that you’re nervous about letting out your feelings but at least it’s out. You want him to know that you’re upset not because no one has harboured a crush on you, it’s because you’re upset the one you had a crush on doesn’t feel the same way as you. Osamu just shrugged and Atsumu came barging in the middle. “Yer dumb. Just date him already.” Atsumu butted in and you can’t help but stay silent and groan at him. Osamu grumbles and hits him in his nape. “Sumu stop being dumb...let’s go home I’m hungry.” You laughed at their antics and can’t help but stare at Osamu a little longer, and look away when he caught you. “You just ate, Osamu.” you said and left the twins before you take off to the direction of your house. “G’bye! See yall losers tomorrow!” you waved at them and both of them waved back with a goodnight. 

-

“Osamu, may I take you out on a date?” A girl approached the circle of you, Atsumu and Osamu. You and Atsumu were bickering about who’s going to have the last chocolate ball Osamu bought and you ended up getting it because you complained that Atsumu swallowed three of them at once and he bought it. Osamu would always optimize you before his brother so Atsumu never really hoped that much. When the girl shamelessly walked up and said that to him, with a hidden glare she flashed at you, Osamu got surprised. Your question about his relationship actually went through his mind again, mainly because the girl who asked is beautiful and Osamu admits he always stared at her for quite some time when she got into her line of sight.

You stopped chewing the chocolate halfway, and stared at them back to back. Osamu straightened his back and put up a little smile. “uh...okay, just text me the details.” You choke on the chocolaty saliva that waits itself to get swallowed and Atsumu slowly rubs your back while flipping open your water bottle. Osamu and the girl you didn’t bother knowing the name of looked at you while Osamu asked if you were okay. 

“Yeah...okay! I’ll text you tonight, can’t wait!'' The girl heartily giggled and waved cutely at Osamu and winked at him. Osamu waves back and proceeds to check up on you. “Eat carefully, [Name], yer all aggressive when it’s chocolates huh.” Osamu giggled a little. Atsumu grumbles. “She choked cus ya–“ you quickly covered his mouth with your sticky fingers cupping Atsumu’s cheeks. “You’re...you’re goin’ on a date!” This caught you off guard. A bit too quick to process everything and Osamu literally took up an offer for a date with some girl you never knew about.

“Well, ya kinda made me. I think it’s time I stop chickening out of everything and get on with it.” Osamu shrugged and tore open another packet of chocolate balls. “Hmm I agree, you’ll never knew if you never tried.” Atsumu looks at his side to see you slowly chewing the chocolate and swallows it and sighs a little. Osamu might not have understood that but Atsumu does. “Yeah...I think so too. Do ya have plans for the date?” Osamu hums and tilts his head. “I’d rather make it spontaneous...well it’ll be nice if I have plans but...I can’t think of one yet. Yall can help me with that, right?” Osamu looks at the both of you with a pout. You nodded and took the empty plastic package with you and crumpled it beneath the desk. You didn’t know which one fuelled your mind to have that strong grip as of the moment. It was either jealousy, anger or sadness for sure. 

-

You grumbled at the sudden loud ringing of your phone. You have no plans to wake up early that morning, the fact that Osamu is going on the date that weekend throws all the plans you had with the twins out of the window so there’s no way you’re going to hang out with them and there’s no way you can put up an energy to do anything that day so sleeping is the last resort, and expecting a phone call is never going to show up on the list. 

It was Miya Osamu. The fact that it was him calling you made you cancel the anger and the fluttery voice you have is switched on. “Hello? [Name] sorry for disturbin’ ya, I need yer help I have no idea what ta do on my date...Sumu told me to call ya and have ya come over ta help...” you gasped. Atsumu, ya piece of shit. You groaned and threw a middle finger up in the air. “Yeah, of course, will be there in a few, I’m hangin’ up” before you press on the button to end the call, you heard Osamu mumbling ‘thanks’ at godspeed. Without a time to waste you pull the towel from the hanger and runs to the bathroom to make sure you look a little bit decent than having a sprout of hair and messy grasses on your head. 

When you’re finished, with a little too much body spray and a cute white one-piece dress you think is a sign of overdressing, you pressed the doorbell to the home of Miya Family. When Osamu opens the door, you greet him with a bit too stretched smile sitting on your face. 

“Hey, Osamu! Good morning!” you got in after Osamu gave you a space to walk into, still dressed in a pair of white t-shirt and his shorts. “Ya look...drained. Atsumu must have been shitty when it comes to helping in this kind of thing.” You giggled as you made your way upstairs to the familiar shared bedroom of the twins, with Osamu tailing behind you. “He’s always been shitty, sorry for calling ya so early in the morning, your morning voice is terrible!” Osamu passed through to open the door to his shared bedroom. You enter to see a messy pile of clothes on Osamu’s bed while Atsumu is laying on his bed, playing on his Nintendo switch. 

“Ah, [Name]! I forgot to tell ya to buy some snacks.” You grumbled and threw your small knitted bag at him. “Stupid...I have a Snickers bar in that bag.” Atsumu screams in victory and rummages through your bag while you head to Osamu’s bed, looking at him and his pile of clothes. “Need an outfit idea?” Osamu nods slowly, Atsumu enjoying the show while munching off loudly to his chocolate. “Hmm...I’m going to give out an opinion here. Since this is your first date with her, it’s only okay for you to have a minimalist kind of style like...see here.” You picked up the white button up shirt that sits on his pillow, pushing off the red sweater to pick up his black slacks. You unfold the crumpled cloth and put on the front of his body. “Hold here, and this pants too.” You clasp your fingers on the waistband of the slim-fit slacks he had on his body and he followed suit. “Atsumu, whattdya think? I think it looks cool.” You brush your chin with your fingers and Atsumu glances at Osamu and at you back and forth. “Yup, it matches quite well.” Atsumu laughed cynically. 

“See, it’s perfect, now go take a bath and iron your clothes. I’ll help take care of this mess.” Osamu smiles. “Thanks, [Name]” you didn’t dare look at him and threw the towel you found on his bed at him. “Go now or you’ll be late” you tossed some of the clothes aside so you can plop down on the bed while he goes out. Atsumu, with his whole bed occupied by his massive body, leaned on his right side to see your figure on Osamu’s bed, carefully folding the clothes to help him out. 

“Damn, so convenient how you had the same colour code of yer fit with Osamu’s” Atsumu laughed while throwing his small pillow to your head. “Hey, it hurts, stop!” you threw back at him. “Oh yeah, the pillow, or the fact that the guy ya liked is going on a date with some other girl?” Atsumu carelessly threw the word and laughed at himself. You’re stunned and Osamu’s volleyball t-shirt you had in your hand dropped to your lap. 

“Oh...crap...you knew...ah...” you fisted your hair and propped your knees up to bury your face in it. “Is it...that obvious? No no you–you can’t know...okay that’s it, I’m going!” Atsumu ran out of his bed to push yourself down and sit back. “Hey, it’s fine...I mean ya were pretty obvious and all...but hey...I’m a genius. I confirmed it when you asked him that question that day.” Atsumu laid on Osamu’s bed, legs hanging by the bed. “Are ya...not mad?” Atsumu glared. “Why would I be? It’s okay to like someone...but I’m still kinda sorry that ya have to...ya know, help him with all this.” You grumbles and lays on the bed too, feet dangling. “It’s for the best...he’s my friend before...a...crush...so” you sighed and closed your eyes. “I’ll make sure ya end up together, I give yall my blessing.” You punched at his side lightly. “Stop making me hopeful...” you heard the door to the bathroom click and you quickly got out of the bed and helped Osamu to clear his bed. Osamu walks in with his body clad in a towel and your blush seems to creep up all the way to your head. It's going to explode in a second. “Uh...uh...I’ll wait outside...yeah.” you headed out on your own and closed the door behind you. 

Atsumu knowing this because you were being obvious made you wonder if Osamu picked up on it too. What if he did? And if he did, what is he going to do about the information? Now that Atsumu, his literal other half realised that and it doesn’t take a genius to understand that sometimes their mind is set on synch, which is why they’re a threat to multiple schools with their combined power. After some time of overthinking, Osamu opens the door, body and hair ready for the date.

“Osamu! Ya looked...good!” Osamu puts his hand in his pocket while Atsumu stares at you a bit too teasingly and you widened your eyes at him. “Thanks...need ta go now.” Osamu comes down the stairs, followed by you and Atsumu behind. “Hm I think ya should wear the black converse, Osamu. It suits you.” Osamu hums and slides his foot and ties the laces on him. 

“Um...make sure ya pull out the her chair before she sit...buy a cake, so you can share...uh...knowing her she would definitely buy the newest frappe, wait, use promo codes...or not...it’s going to make ya look–“ “[Name], it’s okay, I got this.” Osamu headed out. “Okay, goodbye Osamu. Have fun.” You flashed out the most genuine smile you could muster but seems like it is not convincing to the other twin. “It’s okay, [Name!], you’ll be fine.” Atsumu rubs at your shoulder and brings you upstairs.

“Just stay here for awhile, you’ll be okay next ta me.” You sat down on Osamu’s bed, Atsumu sitring next to ya. “Talking about secrets...I want ta tell ya somethin’' Atsumu said in a serious tone. “I think, I’m...gay.” you gasped and hit him at the sides. “Wait...are ya sure! OH MY GOD! I’m proud of you!” You charged at Atsumu for a hug and he hugged back. “Well, I kinda have ta tell ya this after I know about ya crushing on my bro...and thanks for havin’ my back.” Atsumu speaks into the hug and you got up. “Well, no matter what happens I’ll always be here for the both of you, kinda pinky-promised Osamu years ago.” Your tone lowered down at the mention of Osamu. “I don’t think he will ever...like me back.” That thought alone could make you feel like sacrificing yourself into the pits of Earth because it kept on bothering and making you feel bad about yourself and feeling sorry for Osamu because he needs you as a friend not as a lover. Atsumu, saw how much better Osamu would be with you as a lover but he can’t decide lives that aren’t his, even if it’s his brother. Atsumu just gave support.

“Hey, I can’t be yer wingman, I can’t tell Osamu either, but I’ll make sure Osamu is reserved till the end of time for ya to get ready.” Atsumu said it while laughing and you punched him a little harsher this time. “Stop that! He can be with...anyone that he likes...ya don’t have to.” Atsumu sighed and hugs you at the side. “That’s okay, ya can cry.” You didn’t cry however. 

But when you opened up the ebook you were reading currently as you sits on his bed comfortably like you belongs there, you cried at the scene in which the main character failed to confess his undying love towards the girl that stole flower from his garden, because she died after so long of not coming and plucking out the beautiful white flowers the owner planted on his own, for her. When you cried, Atsumu rushed to help you calm down and you explained that it has nothing to do with Osamu but Atsumu saw through your lie. It was about him all along. Crying made you feel tired both physically and emotionally, and you slept on his bed waiting until he came home from the date. Osamu opened the door to the living room. “Hey, yer back! How’d the date go?” Atsumu stood casually while holding his cup in hand. “Twas okay. Nothing much.” Atsumu hums and looks at his brother silently. “[Name]’s upstairs...she was waitin for ya” Osamu nods and looks at Atsumu who had a weird expression on his face but he just moved himself up the stairs. 

When he got in, he saw you laying down, fast asleep on his bed, and he sat himself next to your sleeping figure. Osamu saw the tears that stained your cheeks but he won’t butt into that. “Hey, I’m home. Yer lookin too comfortable huh?” You got up slowly and yawned, covering your mouth with the back of your hand. “Well, it sure is comfortable. The date was fun I supposed?” you asked, trying to bite back the tears that collected itself in your sadness duct. 

“Yeah, it was fun!” Osamu comfortably set his sitting position next to you, and you listened to his date experience with the utmost attention, silently hoping that it was with you in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cries...I love Osamu 💖 please hello???? MIYA OSAMU MARRY ME! Sorry for making this chapter too long, it's the ✨ depression ✨ talking. Hope yall have a nice day and I will be busier with ODL so...updates...will be...yikes. That's all, you can check out my other fic of the miya twins :D thx for reading!
> 
> Also, I edited this chapter while listening to Sweet Night by V! The book reader was reading is la citta di smeraldo, this book is referenced for the song BTS made which is The Truth Untold, and every time I listen to it, I cried because maynee I can relate.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so um hey,,,yeah,,,it has been so long what the fuck last time I published this was 3 months ago! I am so terribly sorry blame my degree life for fucking me in the ass god im so tired yo yk it's pretty embarrassing to admit but I spent my time finishing this chapter instead of writing for my speech lmaoo laugh along please and life is so shitty oh my god I hate it here and if you notice some underlying messages that I actually want to. yeet. out of here, I am sorry in advance. Enjoy this poorly written chapter literally what the fuck is this mess

“Osamu, let’s get you home.” He has stopped crying by then, face still buried in your shoulders and breathing hard at your collarbones. You couldn’t care less at how wet the collars of your dress is because Osamu’s eyes still had its tears running, eyes empty. You rose up, Osamu still kneels on the mat he sat on. His parents already promised you that they’re taking care of the guests and everything is already settled.

“If you can’t do this for yourself, please do it for Ayako, I’m begging you.” You shook his slumped body, making him look up to you. 

“Get up Osamu, please.” You offered him a hand and he weakly reached it and got up. “Where’s Ayako? I missed her.” Osamu wipes the tears with his handkerchief and sniffles into it, you open the bottle cap for him to drink. He hasn’t been taking care of himself properly and somehow you always knew how to. “Still at Atsumu’s. I’ll pick her up on our way.” Osamu nods as he downs the mineral water in a heartbeat. Osamu walked past you and went ahead to the glass doors of the funeral home. You followed him closely behind to give a space to walk ahead without any disturbance around his radius. When he stopped in front of a car that was not yours you rushed to get him and mumbles a silent apology along with nodding at the car owner. 

“I’m a whole mess huh. This is lame.” He snorted and you sighed. His attempt to pull a joke at times like this put a hefty amount of soil to the heap of your worries about his well-being, and you’re afraid that there are so many questions that can’t be answered when the smaller Miya is being picked up from her uncle’s threshold. However, you are sure those concerns are in no way comparable to what your friend has been through the whole year he needs to take care of his wife, so you dashed towards the hotel Atsumu was residing in,, leaving your worries the way it is. Osamu is already knocked out to sleep, suffering through the sniffles you heard from him.

“How’s Samu? Do I need ta come over?” That’s the first thing Atsumu asked when you walked into his studio hotel room to have the sleeping little girl, Ayako that you cared for like your own daughter so she can be with her Papa. “He’s sleeping in the car. Can’t say how he has been feeling though.” Atsumu sighs tiredly. One thing about being old-time friends with the identical pair you understood their pattern.

Whatever Osamu felt, his brother, Atsumu felt it too. 

And through the likes of Atsumu's contorted expression, you knew he hadn't been dealing with her death that well. She’s a family that he has grown to accept for years now. When you parted the bangs of the small girl that lays on the big bed in the middle of the room, you looked at the pout that shaped the face of Ayako. She has always been this cute, no matter what she has to go through and you wished to keep it that way. Naoko hasn’t said much to you after finding out about her illness despite already being close, but you understood from her patterns that she needed you to be there for Osamu since his ultimate pillar of support, which was Naoko herself, were at the brink of destruction. After all you knew Osamu longer than she does, nothing you did will turn the wheels the wrong way. Even when Ayako was born and a birthday later the small kid will always be comfortable with you, snuggling in close whenever you came over for a visit, and the sight of her closely embraced in your arms make your heart swell when the familiar grey orbs stare at you, the same way Osamu did back in yours and his teenage years. Thoughts are pushed away whenever that distinct memory bites you back, cause you knew and have accepted that some people aren’t just for you, and that Naoko and Osamu were happy to have each other, and they’re lucky to have Ayako with them.

Recalling all of these made you hate yourself more than you do right now, the unwanted feelings of guilt would always creep itself back to the confines of your spine because Naoko’s death was tragic and if your lower, more shameful part of yourself tried to take advantage to that, you’d rather jump from the top of the bridge down to the bottom pits of your grave than looking at Osamu again.

When you slowly taps on Ayako’s chubby thighs, Atsumu sits himself on the edge of the bed, carefully making sure Ayako is not disturbed with her sleep as he gathers her small toys and several mini story books she carries around in her backpack. You were still caressing the edges of her jet-black hair and rubbing her delicate hands. “Most importantly, are you okay? If you need help just ring me over. Omi and I won’t be busy for the next few weeks”. You looked up to him and yanked out your arm to check on your watch. 

“I’ll make sure everything is okay. You guys should rest before practice begins again.” Atsumu looks distressed. _Ah this girl, always pretending she is in charge of everything_. To his dismay, you always have been and the failure rate is as close to zero every single time. 

“Okay, ex-Inarizaki Volleyball Club manager, whatever ya say.” That managed to bring a snort out of your face, and he is glad some boulders of stress are lifted off your shoulders with his habitual teasing. “Nope, was not your manager. None of the credits are given to me in the curricular certificates. It’s only because you and Osamu always create troubles.” You gave him a poisonous glare, in a light-hearted way of course. 

“Yet ya never grew tired of us.” Another snort. Atsumu looks at you in a concerned manner when you pick up the little princess, struggling to get the bag around your neck. Atsumu reached for the bag, slung it around your neck as it rested on your shoulder while the other one was occupied by Ayako. “Tell Osamu that I will kick his ass if he decides to trouble you in any way.” When you pats on Ayako’s back he tells you that, and as you leave for the door. You bid him and Sakusa who was in the kitchen a goodbye after he left a kiss on Ayako’s temple.

“He’s more scared of me than to you, Atsumu. Don’t dare to dream.” You laughed silently as you think back. “I’m sorry for your loss, Atsumu, you can call me if anything comes up, I’ll be there for you and Osamu, I promised you guys.” You smiled tiredly, pushing your tears back inside to avoid showing the other twin your vulnerable side, even though he has seen it on you so many times.

“I’ll be fine now go, Samu needed ya more than I do”. Atsumu sends you out and you’re back to your car.

What kind of trouble Osamu has in store for you, you don’t know. 

The rest of the day, you have no trouble taking care of the two Miyas, but it still concerns you that Osamu didn’t even spare a look at you, let alone striking up a conversation. When you try to hum to a song to make Ayako continue her long, beauty sleep, you think of all of the memories Naoko etched onto your heart, along with the outcomes that might happen in years to come now that she is gone from this world and that a new life awaits Osamu, now bearing the title of a single father to Naoko. You wonder if Osamu needed your help to embark on that new journey of his, and if the feelings you have for him might resurface after the desperate attempts of you locking inside the tombs of your chest since years ago, or if it never managed to secure properly like you thought it would. 

-

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_You: Atsumu_

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_You: I’m going to do it._

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_You: I am on my way to Hyogo right now._

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_You: you’re probably busy so...I’m turning off my phone, I’ll read your replies once it’s done._

__

As soon as it was delivered with a single tick at the corner of your text, you switched off your phone and buried it to the hilts of the pocket of your jeans. You heaved a deep breath as the thought of any possible scenarios would happen when you arrived at the store. You had no idea why the push to go this far, travelling this far, all the way from Tokyo to Hyogo to muster up and kick fate in the ass for making you fall for your best friend.

As the train seeped through its way to the other side of the country, you came up with dialogues and how his responses would be, trying your best to steer clear from the negative ones because you did not come here to go home with a heartbreak. You think you did a great job with the plannings but this silent voice inside of you yelled at yourself for not staying in contact with Osamu, always brushing it off with the ‘I am a woman with a career, I don’t need distractions’ card you always pull when everyone knows you’re a coward. The long period of time ignoring your friend slash first love slash crush turned everything weird between the two of you, making your heart beat like crazy in your chest. After your arrival, you didn’t even try to visit your family first, nor even tell them about your impromptu getaway to your hometown after spending half of the year in Tokyo, busy helping Akaashi build up the publishing company you co-own.

There goes Onigiri Miya. You stepped out of the cab, and fixed the appearance you had. This is not appropriate. You only realised it a bit too late that all you have had on you is the stinky white shirt that was covered under the worn-out jacket and leggings along with a tote-bag slinged across your shoulder. 

_If I’m Osamu, I will reject me, too._

_NO._

Running your fingers across the strands of your hair and carefully slapping your face to reduce the swollen, sleep-deprived look you put on for the entire week. The mint-flavoured lip balm was glided across the pink tint of your lips and was puckered up, covering the whole of your lips with moist. Though it did nothing to elevate your...attractiveness you held on to the fact that Osamu has seen you in worse situations and he probably doesn't mind this look on you.

You pushed open the glass door of the restaurant and you were greeted to a plenty number of people inside, talking and casually having their late lunch, some were busy typing on their laptops and some high school kids talking with their friends caught you, and it warms your heart now that you thought of you and the twins back in the days. So many things have changed.

There you saw Osamu behind the counter, focused on shaping the balls of rice into a flawless triangle shape, and you internally screamed at the fact that, this guy, is the man that you are in love with. When you took in a sharp breath and walked forward to the counter, a woman with her hair shaped into a neat bun, dressed in the uniform of Onigiri Miya with an apron wrapped around her waist at the cash register, standing near Osamu who was a feet away from the counter.

“Welcome to Onigiri Miya, what would you like to order?” You smile back and nod at the woman whose voice is as calm as an ocean. “Hello, I’m here to see Miya Osamu?” you peeked at him, who had his glances shoot right through your eyes at the mention of his name and the familiarity of your voice. “[Name]! Yer here! How long ago was it since I last saw ya!” Osamu took out the plastic gloves and threw it into the bin as he rushed out of the kitchen to greet you. The woman behind the cash register just giggled at the reunion of her boss and his best friend. Osamu opened his arms for you and you rushed in for a hug, opting to stay there and embrace him a bit longer than intended but he pulled away as soon as he tapped your back. Your brows furrowed at this. _He always hugged me longer than this, is it because I stink?_

Osamu, though a lot of people have assumed him to be expressionless, is a lot unlike what they think of. He knows you’re basically touch-deprived, being someone who’s always so vulnerable and in dire need of affection, he offers you a hug every now and then and he usually lets out comforting words when he engulfs you in his arms. However, this sudden change, though it wasn’t as apparent, has made you feel...small. You needed more but you tried to collect yourself. It made you pull yourself back from telling him how much you loved him.

“The infamous [Name] is finally here, I have heard too much about you!” the woman reached out her dainty hands towards you, and you blinked at the sudden warmth she exudes. She looks like she knows a lot about you. You reached out and shook her hands, noticing the diamond ring that was wrapped around her fourth finger. “Osamu has said a lot of good things about you” when she said that, you blushed and nudged him in the sides with your elbows. “Hey, babe don’t out me like that.” Osamu teasingly glare, earning a loud giggle that resonates around the interiors of Onigiri Miya, and throughout the years you have lived, grown up and basically accommodate yourself in his life, never have you seen Osamu smile like he is the happiest man in the world. The cashier behind the register, being the artist who drew that on him.

And the word ‘babe’ definitely made your stomach churn.

_Did he just say...babe?_

“Nice to meet you, [Name] I’m Naoko, manager of Onigiri Miya, and Osamu’s fiancee.”

No one else heard it, but you definitely did. The wheels of the carriage you were in were steered to the wrong direction and it felt as if the wrong direction led you to nowhere, so you decided to free-fall from the top of the hill into the very source of your suffering.

Miya Osamu is in love, and it is not with you.

-

The insides of a human gut is weird, it is bloody, smelly, disgusting and somehow rotten, it brought you back to that one time you cut open a lab rat during your biology experiment. You knew it was like that as stated in your textbook, but somehow, the hands-on experience brought the lunch you had from the pit of your stomach into the depths of the toilet bowl of the ladies in Inarizaki High. It was so disgusting you threw up.

It is exactly like that day when you told Osamu you are happy that he found someone like Naoko. Cheerful, smart, independent and to top it all off she is a gorgeous heck of a woman. “I’m really so glad you’re getting married, Samu, who would’ve thought a guy like you actually bagged this lady” you said while playfully pointing your thumb at Naoko. The cash register was the loudest and your overwhelming reaction irritated the long line behind your back, so you stepped to the side and told them that you’re taking a seat, claiming to wait for them until they finish when all you wanted to do was collecting yourself together all while coming up with a Plan B because this is not the lab manual. When you think of the guts of the rat that you surgically cut open just for the details of its respiratory system, you hoped the very rat was brought back to life to cut you open and tell everyone that the insides of your heart is a fucking mess. You’re such a filthy liar.

The moment you found out, and lied to his face saying that you’re happy for him, you made a mental note to ingest glass shards into your system because it physically and mentally hurts you to find out this way.

Now that the both of them are back to their posts and doing their job you switched your phone on, only to have 20 missed calls from Atsumu, along with a dump of messages sent from him.

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_Atsumu: GOD. WHAT_

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_Atsumu: wait no don’t go there, listen_

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_Atsumu: pick up your phone, woman!_

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_Atsumu: I swear to you I want to tell you but_

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_Atsumu: when you’re done, call me, okay?_

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_This piece of shit knew!_

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You quickly typed and hit ‘send’.

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_You: As soon as I get back, we need a lot of talking._

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You’re trembling by now. All conscious thoughts walked itself away from your system, some are let out through the anger building up in the personal chat feature you have with Atsumu, another is let out with the bouncing of your knees and the other is out to the tremble of your lips. You knew when Osamu looked you in the eye again the final resort was crying, and you don’t want that. 

__

So you spent the amount of time waiting for them while you played games, a healthier way to let out your rage and jealousy without harming anyone else, you even managed to elevate your rankings at the same spot. 

__

Osamu and Naoko were cleaning up the place for closing and you didn’t even bother to offer for help, nor even shift a tiny inch from where your butt is on, unlike the games you were playing, you know jack shit about your plan now. 

__

“This just takes another second, you can eat the ones I made for ya while waiting!” Osamu yells from the back of the kitchen as he cleans along with Naoko, his fiancee, his woman, girlfriend or whoever that was, you didn’t care. You put out your thumb in the air lowly, indicating that okay, you will eat this, refusing to let out a word as you worry it might sound depressing. 

__

As you pinched on the sticky rice, you zoned out the view in front of you. Osamu was having fun cleaning the kitchen with...her. The jazz music you didn’t know he was into played in the background and you saw Osamu checking out the wiggle of her hips, steadily following the rhythm of the music. Your mouth clamped shut and the hands that were itchiliy picking on the onigiri retreated back to your sides, as you knew no one else will have your back other than yourself.

__

To see the...love of your life clinging on to some other person you knew nothing about like his life depends on it, and a really big part of you forced your fingers to shape itself into a fist and grips on the cloth that hugged your thighs.

__

You’re dreading the moment for this to end, you hoped you lost your way instead of jumping off that cliff. 

__

Osamu wiped his wet hands on the paper towel he pulled out and swiftly slid in the seat right in front of you. He flashed the warmest smile he has, less warmer than the ones he showed Naoko, of course, to you. Like the braindead idiot in love you are, you smiled back, not caring about the heavy implication it meant from the bottom of your heart.

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“When did you arrive here?”

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“This morning” Osamu nods.

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Before he opens up his mouth you cut him through, sternly, catching him flinching from the sudden eagerness to talk.

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“How long ago, since you first saw her?” you asked, not sure if the genuine happiness masked your anguish properly or not, you simply do not care and you have plenty of cards up your sleeve to cover the crimes you always do when conversations with Miya Osamu is held.

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Osamu leans back, smiling that stupid love-struck smile again as he wonders. “It was close to eight months ago...I went on a blind date with her during college and saw her again as she came in to fill in the position as the manager.” you nodded.

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“Sounds unprofessional, how did the whole thing happen then?” Osamu tilted his head at what you said, he was clearly weirded out with the obvious bitter remarks you had. Not like you were exactly pissed about it, you mentally cursed yourself at that.

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“No it wasn’t, I hired her because she has the aura of a good employee, and what good entrepreneur would kick a gem away like that?” you let out a tiny _ah_ at that. 

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“I kissed her during our second date, the first was counted from the one back in college, everything has worked out well since then.” Osamu turned his back on you to peek at Naoko who is walking towards the two of you. Naoko squished Osamu to get further inside so now she is the one who sat right across you. Having her right in your peripheral vision made the nerves flicked up and down you were sure your brain is having an override. It is a really hurtful sight to see and the clench of your fist goes tighter, grip of the improperly kept nails digging in your skin.

__

Instead of lashing out at her beautifully drawn smile, the very one Osamu has probably saw before he closes his eyes and the very ones who must have greeted her in the morning, the smile that he saw before delving in for a kiss, and the smile that he is going to greet the first thing in the morning for the rest of his life, you kept quiet.

__

There, you saw nothing about you in his life anymore, what you have wished for was long gone the moment you saw him wrap his hands around the pretty, manicured hands adorned with a bright little stone he probably spent his entire savings on, you saw nothing of you in his eyes. 

__

It made your usually loud and expressive mouth clamped shut, tight, confident there is nothing left to be said. Naoko snaps you back into reality, which is even more painful than the thoughts swimming around your head.

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“I heard a lot about you from Samu, and Atsumu too. You don’t know how glad I am to finally meet the author of One Fine Day, I love that book so much!” _oh that_. The one you wrote, it was simply one of the lame creations you had, and it is just a ton of things you write about when you think of Osamu. The fact that he kept it to this day had you leap in joy. You can take pride from this.

__

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“I love it so much, Osamu decided to just give it to me so I can read whenever I feel like I need to be giddy about something.” Naoko giggles loudly and Osamu lowers his head, sneaking an apologetic glance to you. 

__

__

One fine day, the book isn’t that exclusive, the cover is sloppy as you only use a birthday wrapping, drawn with big letters of One Fine Day in cursive, a friend of yours said it was terrible but you just needed to throw in an extra effort, so it is pleasing to look at. You made that for Osamu for his 16th birthday, since he always babbled about wanting to be the first one to read your works. It was a beautiful memory to think of, but now that Naoko brought it up again, Osamu never really gave you a feedback about the ending, where all the hints that you liked him were dropped. You gave up some time later and forcing someone to do something out of their way, especially reading one of your works made you uncomfortable.

__

You appreciated his support ever since high school, it is just the fact that he gave something that was meant for him to someone else, especially someone you begrudgingly have a first-sight hatred that got you boiling in even more anger. “Osamu sure does have a knack to appreciate his presents.” you sarcastically smiled at him. 

__

Naoko put on a wavering smile as she looks to her side to see Osamu’s frown come into the party, she said something that might be a bit too sensitive, no matter how in love Osamu is with her, it won’t change the fact that you and Osamu has a bond that could never be broken, as friends, of course. 

__

Not too long after the silence, your stare at the diamond ring on Naoko made her speak up about it. “Is there something wrong, [Name]-san?” you jolted. _Was that too obvious?_

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“You have a nice ring there.” you pointed out. “Thank you, Osamu picked it out and proposed to me with this almost a month ago. We’re getting married in six months from now.” Naoko flushed as she reached for Osamu’s hands and Osamu winks at her.

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“Wow, I missed out on a lot of things but, congratulations to the both of you. It’s a shame I never really picked up on how the two of you are doing just because I’m busy…” you want to puke.

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Your insides are as rotten as the insides of the rat, and you could have sworn that your life needs to be taken away right at that spot.

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“Thank you, I’m happy to finally settle down with the love of my life right here.” Osamu slings his hand on her shoulder. You hoped they’re not going to kiss in front of you too but looking at this cruel fate the universe has punished you with, there might be a possibility. 

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_Naoko hesitated to say something, but she said it anyway by calling out for your name is the softest tone you could ever decipher. “Hey, I know we just know each other, but do you...mind if you become one of my bridesmaids? I don’t really have a lot of friends and ones that I do have, we’re not really close.” Your jaw almost dropped but before it did, you managed to clench it, your teeth grinding with each other._

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_Say, Mr Universe, do you have a problem with me._

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“Oh? That’s fluttering but, I’m-I’m not the best person for that, and believe me I don’t have that many friends too so we’re on the same boat here, haha. Um.” Naoko furrows her eyebrows and stares with puppy eyes. It is so hard to say no.

__

“It’s not like I can’t but, I’m pretty busy, and…” _I can’t just help my first love get married that easily? Right? I’m really not the best person you could have known, stupid woman. Does she not know that I have ill intentions with her?_

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You looked at the questioning glances the love-birds sent you. Yup. You can never say no.

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“Come to think of it, maybe it will be fun, I will decide and see if I’m up for it.” you lazily smile and reach for the hands of Naoko, that warm and comforting hands she has. “Thank you, [Name], just don’t force yerself though, I dun want ta make ya busier than ya already are!” Osamu wakes up from his seat and trudges to get out of the booth. “Oh, it’s already so late, I need to get going so the both of you can finish closing up.” you got up to along with Naoko and she makes big steps to the changing room right behind the kitchen.

__

“Wait here, Osamu, go and send her home. It’s pretty late and dark outside.” Naoko hands over the car keys and a jacket to Osamu, kisses his left cheek and pushes out the two of you to the entrance. “Nice meeting you, [Name]! See you tomorrow!” Naoko went back to the kitchen and continued cleaning god knows what.

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“Well, it isn’t really that necessary. I can walk on my own.” Osamu rolled his eyes and gently pushed you to his car that was parked near the restaurant. “It is, and if I leave ya frozen in the streets, I won’t ever forgive myself.” unable to hold out the flush you just laughed out loud and got into the car, eerie silence wrapped the both of you as soon as he went inside.

__

Osamu pressed on it and drove away to the memorised route to your family home, and while seeing the lamp poles and trees passing by you don’t even say anything, leaving Osamu awkward. Usually you always have a lot of things to say. “[Name], ya okay? You’ve been too quiet.” you turned your head to face him. “I’ve been tired, haven’t managed to catch a good sleep since last week.” Osamu silently acknowledged that, and tried his best to keep the conversation going.

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“You should have spent your day off sleeping and eating properly, instead of coming down here, ya know. ‘s not helping that you came here alone.” Yeah, it was stupid of me to even think this could change my life forever.

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“Nah, it’s okay, who knows maybe I only know about this secret relationship when you already have 3 kids at your side, haha.” another word vomit.

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“It’s not in secret, I wanted to tell you but you have been-okay, sorry for not telling ya earlier.” Osamu bites his lip and you can’t even look at him. The tension was obvious and Osamu knew you were a bit enraged with everything that happened this evening. 

__

“Yeah, you should be. It makes me think as if you don’t want me anymore now that you’re happy.” ah there it is, your outburst. 

__

“[Name] ya know that’s not true...of course I want you for me at every stage in my life. I’m not some lame idiot who gives jack shit about their friends! You were just...distant from me and I can’t do anything about it. Even Sumu said you rarely talk to him now.” What he said was right, you can’t help but stay locked up inside the cages of your insecurity and the overwhelming feelings you have for him and distancing yourself away is probably the only sane option you had. It is only now that you wanted to take the risk but it backfired. Now you’re finally feeling like shit and the desperation to crawl back inside the cage that basically ruins this whole thing with Osamu makes an appearance. You knew it was useless at this point but admitting your mistakes is harder than that, everyone loves the easier option.

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“Do you...not like her? Is that it?” this time, you actually turned your head towards him while he still had his eyes on the road. “That’s not it, it’s just...a lot to take in.” Osamu hums and continue driving as you went back to looking back at the trees and quiet street, and after a few minutes you finally reach home. 

__

“I just-want you to be aware that I do love having you as a friend, and even if I’m going to marry Naoko you’re still an important person in my life.” The only interesting things to look at are the fiddles of your fingers and the hanging loose thread that comes out from the pocket of your jacket. “I know, thank you for keeping me around, even after all times I spent away from you.” Osamu put his warm hands on your shoulder and it made you divert the gaze from the awful anxiety that flows to the tips of your fingers to his deep grey eyes you always lost yourself in. 

__

“I missed you, Osamu. I’m glad to be back here again.” Osamu pulls your arms to wrap you in a hug, and compared to the one in the restaurant, this one is as long as the ones you would share with him back in high school.

__

“I missed you too, we can hang out if ya want ta ya know, Naoko seems ta be really happy to have ya as a friend too.” The mention of her name eats up your insides again, it takes a long time to be comfortable. “Yeah, I’ll see about that.” you pulled away even when his hold on you seems addicting. 

__

It took you less than a second to grab hold of your bag and get out of the car, not sparing any more glances to the man. That’s enough closure because all you were thinking about is the small of your room and the bed that has had enough of your tears soaked into it. The bed will surely break once it sees you getting in the room because all the time you’ve spent on there was used to crying, for a man, named Miya Osamu.

__

“Goodnight [Name]! I’ll see ya around!” you only had your hand waved at him, eyes still on the front gate. You don’t want to see the stray tear that was already rolling down the rough complexion of your skin, and another one is bound to be released. 

__

The shocked looks of your parents does not get its response, because what the hell is their daughter doing here, unannounced and at this late at night. Once you get inside the room, you text them saying that you’re tired and that you need sleep and will probably spend time together tomorrow morning before going back to Tokyo.

__

They don’t know that all you needed was to finally set the tears free and project your anger to the poor bed who have listened to you, more properly than anyone ever has. Life is unfair and you got it. You understood it clearly, you also learned a lot from it that even when we take a big leap to get to our desired destination, we could miscalculate and fall, and the choice to start again is always there. Over the years you have seen the people around you drop to their knees one stormy night and get up again on another bright sunny day, you always admired them. 

__

You wished that could be you too.

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But another thing you understood is the fact that some things need to leave. There is nothing that could be done. You can’t profess your emotions and what you feel towards Osamu when he already has someone waiting for him. You may be an insolent jerk at some times in life but in no way you have to be selfish in order to get what you want, and now that you saw Miya Osamu is happy with his choice, all you have to do is respect it, no matter how painful it is to.

__

So you reached for your phone and texted a fairly short sentence to Osamu.

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“Okay, I will be her bridesmaid, if she needs me to be the maid of honour I don’t mind too.” you smiled.

__

Maybe this is the huge leap that you needed to take to have you get up on a sunny day some time in the future. 

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I admit that my writing is terrible, I feel the blandness of this fic which was why I'm a bit undetermined with writing this, and the plans are inconsistent, and I apologise. I also do not know how it is going to end, I will try to work on it. I would like to know what you guys think about this because where the fuck is the goddamn letter im crying help I think it will be revealed in the next chapter or the other one after the next chapter who knows! If there is something really weird about this pls tell me about it! If you want to talk to me I have a discord and my id is adlin #3639. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Comments are very much appreciated *winks*


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